Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Struggle

"God of Abraham, God of Isaac and Jacob, according to Your mercy, grant me forgiveness and give to me Your righteousness....Lord, I just can't do this.  Not now.  I cannot pray with my heart so broken.  I trusted her and she has betrayed me.  Not only has she betrayed me, but she has confessed her sin with her own lips and spoke blasphemy against Your holy name by telling me the child she bears is of Your Spirit and Your Spirit alone.  What she says is impossible!  Lord God, You know me as a man who seeks after righteousness and I cannot go ahead with Mary knowing how she has betrayed me and You as well.
There is nothing I can do but let her go.  I will not do anything to shame her publicly, but I will not do anything to protect her except to quietly break our bond.  She can deal with it as she can.  Lord, I am sure You understand and do not hold this against me.  She has lied in the worst kind of way and there can be no life together for us.  People are going to be talking when they see that she is pregnant and they will blame me.  There is nothing I can do about their talk, but You know my heart is pure.  Lord, look upon me with Your mercy.

Lord, I am done with her.  I thought we had a future together.  A long one.  But, that dream is now shattered by her unfaithfulness.  Maybe You can forgive her, Lord, but, there is too much hurt in me right now.  I did love her.  But, I cannot go on.   You understand.  Tomorrow, Lord, I will tell her, but now, I must sleep.  My head is worn out with this worry.  I must sleep.  Keep me now in Your care as I try to rest and wait for the morning."

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