The White Page Struggle

There are times when the empty white page wins the struggle.  Finding the words which are hidden in that stark whiteness is not always easy.  Sometimes the words leap from not being seen into the realm of the visible words on the page and then there are those moments filled with false starts and deleting.  In the old days I suppose it was the kind of moment when those who wrote filled up the trash can with wadded up paper jerked in frustration from the typewriter.  Over the years of preaching and writing I have known more than just a few of those days.   

In a way it reminds me of how it is in those moments when I draw aside and alone for quiet moments of being in the presence of the Holy One.  One thing we all seek in those moments of drawing apart is an awareness of holy presence.  There are those times when I do all the things seekers such as myself might normally do like getting still, reading some Scripture, and praying the prayers that are to be prayed only to find that the emptiness known in the beginning lingers still in my heart.  My soul may "long for flowing streams" (Psalm 42:1) as does the running deer, but the Living God seems nowhere to be found.  In those moments of seeking and longing, the seeking seems to be one that echoes in a chamber of emptiness.   

Such moments are sure to come to all of us.  We may think we have some magic ritualistic formula which is going to cause God to appear, but His coming and going into the visible conscious realm of our inner being is not determined by what we do, but more about what He is doing in our lives.  I prefer those moments when it seems that the Spirit rushes into my life like an overflowing stream, flowing beyond its boundaries, instead of those moments when the word of my heart seems to go forth unheard.  As we walk the road of faith we begin to understand that there is divine wisdom in those moments of apparent emptiness and that the real reality is that they are not really empty, but as full of holy purpose as those moments which flood and wash over the soul.