Spitting on My Life

In my heart I will always think of myself as one of Wesley's preachers.  As a way of avoiding conversations about the controversy within the United Methodist Church these days, I have started identifying myself as a Methodist preacher.  Actually, I define myself by more than that one title during this season of being on the farm, but it does speak to the better part of my years.  While some have expressed a quiet disappointment with my not changing ships at this time in my life, I find it unnecessary.  I do not need a piece of paper to tell me who I am.     

One of my favorite cowboy movies is "Monte Walsh."  With the wild west changing and the cowboy jobs drying up, Monte Walsh is asked to become a performer at a wild west show.  He puts on the cowboy costume, looks at himself in the mirror, and as he takes it off, he says, "I ain't spitting on my whole life."  The Methodist Church that includes the United Methodist Church which ordained me has shaped my life since I knelt at one of its altars at age nine for the baptismal waters.  It is not a perfect church.  In fact I see it as being more imperfect than it was in the days of my beginning.  But, "I ain't spitting on my whole life,"  at least, not yet and likely never.    

It would be foolish to say I am staying because I am about changing the direction it is going.  I think it is more that I am staying because it is where I sense belonging.  Most of the institutions and all the people to which I sense belonging are imperfect.  It is the same with my church.  I am going to hang around as one of its disagreeable members being a voice where I am that is not going to reflect the mainstream values.  At the moment it is the best I can do because, "I ain't ready yet to spit on my whole life."