Sadness

As I stand in the distance afforded me by retirement and watch the dismantling of the denomination which ordained me so many years ago, there is always a sense of deep sadness that something so vital to my life is disappearing.  Maybe life is full of more of the disappearing things than I am able to see, or want to see, but this moment in the life of the church which nurtured me and which I served is such a troubling one.  And while I watch from my place here on the farm, it seems sometimes that there is among some feelings that border on winning and losing.  The one thing I do know about this messy situation is that there are no winners and losers.    

It is more accurate to say that we are all losers.  We have lost our sense of being one another.  We have lost contact with a spirit that goes not back to a merger in 1968, but all the way back to the time John Wesley stirred the pot of renewal in a lifeless church.  So much is being lost which may never be recovered.  At least it will never be recovered in the form we have grown accustomed to knowing it.    

Some may say it is a good thing.  It is a purging long overdue.  Regardless of where we come down on the issue, we are somehow diminished because of it.  And, I am sad.  I am sad there could not have been another way forward other than an acrimonious division that has spawned an "us and them" mentality.  I am sad because it all no doubt grieves the Christ.  I am sad for all of us that though we are the church, we cannot and will not live together with respect for one another.